Signs You Have A Drinking Problem

• You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
• You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
• Job interferes with your drinking.
• Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
• Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
• The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
• Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
• Two hands and just one mouth...
• When you can focus better with one eye closed.
• The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
• Every woman you see has an exact twin.
• You fall off the floor...
• Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
• Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
• The glass keeps missing your mouth!
• Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you.
• At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
• Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
• You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
• The whole bar says "Hi" when you come in...
• You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women].
• Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
• Hi occiffer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
• I'm not drunk... you're just sober...
• Roseanne looks good.
• Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
• That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
• Take me drunk, I think I'm home.
• Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
• You have a Reserved Parking space at the liquor store.
• I'm as jober as a sudge.
• You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the
• Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.
• You've fallen and you can't get up.
• When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle - please pass the ice pack....
• BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
• The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.
• Your name is Ted Kennedy.
• Foster Brooks appears sober to you.
• I'm not as think as you drunk I am!