Please read this first. The Exam (edited due to legal disapproval) is below the lawyer's letter.
- Well, I've been asked by a lawyer to remove the name of the school system that this page pokes fun at. This is an edited copy of the message I received.
THIS LETTER IS REAL, NOT PART OF THE PHONY EXAM!!!!!!!!
- Dear Mr. Stern,
We represent the (City Name Removed due to Legal Disapproval) City School District. The District has brought your spoof on Math Proficiency exams to our attention. While the "Exam" may be amusing to some people, others could find it offensive, and the District would prefer not to have its name associated with the Exam. We would be grateful if you would remove any reference to (City Name Removed due to Legal Disapproval) City School District from the 'Exam" and let us know that you have done so.
We are aware of the possibility that you did not originate the "Exam." Nevertheless, please remove the District's name from the version posted on your web site.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
(Lawyer's Name Removed)
(Lawyer's Name Removed)
(Lawyer's Firm Removed)
(Firm's Building Removed)
(Firm's Address Removed)
(Lawyer's E-mail Removed)
(Lawyer's Phone Number Removed)
(Lawyer's Fax Number Removed)
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The information contained in this message is privileged and/or confidential and is intended only for the use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient or the employee or agent responsible for delivering it to the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination or copying of this message is strictly prohibited. If you have received this message in error, please notify me immediately by reply e-mail to (Lawyer's E-mail Removed) and delete the message.
Thank you.
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(City Name Removed due to Legal Disapproval)
City 
School District
High School Math Proficiency Exam
1. Johnny has an AK-47. Its magazine holds 30 rounds. An average drive-by shooting requires four hits. If Johnny has a 50% hit probability, how many drive-by shootings can be accomplished before reloading? Would it make economic sense to invest in a 75 round drum magazine at $74.95, or additional 30 round mags at $19.95?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. He sells Jackson a $200 8-ball and 2 grams to Luther for $85.00/gram. What is the remaining street value of the stash assuming an initial value of $1700/ounce?
3. Rufus is pimping for three ladies. The gross profit per trice is $65.00. The overhead per trick (condoms, spermicidal jelly, and scope) as expressed as a percentage of the trick is 17%. What is the average gross profit per 12 hour shift of the three ladies ? What is the average net profit per shift assuming a 100% attendance? Since 100% attendance is not possible, what is the net and gross assuming 68% attendance (less sickness, injury, or murder)?
4. In the above question, the assumption is made that a fatal overdose occurs in 2% of all hookers in any given year. We further assume a murder rate, not including examples Rufus must make to keep the bitches in line, of 3%. Rufus must make examples of 2 bitches per year. In a 6 month period, Rufus must employ how many ladies to maintain his $1000/day coke habit?
5. Willis recieves $200/BMW, $100/Coupe de Ville, and $75/4x4. How many vehicles must Willis steal to make enough to bankroll his crack dealers on the next block?
6. Shawanda is on welfare and has children by 2 different fathers. Her rent controlled apartment costs $85/month. Her welfare check totals $1345.00/month. How many children does Shawanda have and is it mathematically possible for her to maintain a reasonable lifestyle with only 2 men? If not, how many men are necessary to guarantee her present level of governmental assistance and still graduate 8th grade.
7. If the average spray paint can covers 22 square feet, and an average letter requires 6.5 square feet of paint, how many cases of paint would be needed to spell MOTHERF***ER in three colors with shadow? (Assume 12 cans per case and NO spelling errors)
8. Hector impregnated 25% of the ladies in his gang. Assuming an 88% fertility probability, and assuming he will not use the free condoms distributed at school, and finally assuming he can impregnate 10% of the remaining female gang members per week, how many weeks will it take him to knock up all the girls? (assume he will not be the victim of one of Johnny's drive-byes)
(School Address Removed due to Legal Disapproval)
(School's Phone Number Removed due to Legal Disapproval)
