Jason's Star Trek Crossovers Top Ten Lists
Things You Won't see on any Trek
10. The "Lost" Episode where Kirk becomes celibate.
9. Quark's brother Rom takes up playing the cymbals.
8. Counselor Troi says to a patient "No you're not paranoid, people really do hate you. Now get out of here YOU WORTHLESS LOSER!!!!!!"
7. On amateur night in Ten Forward Mr. Worf sings "I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt".
6. Kai Winn resigns as Kai to become a Dabo girl at Quark's.
5. The Changeling spies are caught and imprisoned in lava lamps.
4. After a wild shore leave on Risa Ryker wakes up to find that he's married to a Gorn.
3. Data resigns from Starfleet to become an Elvis impersonator.
2. Q leaves the continuum to become a psychic friend.
1. Shatner directing another movie!
10. Brooks, Visitor, and Auberjonois will be fired to make room for Stewart, Frakes, and Spiner
9. Voyager's Doctor figures out a way to turn off Tom Paris
8. Borg leaders in the new movie to be played by Lee Majors and Lindsay Wagner
7. Keiko guest stars in an episode in which she and Miles don't have a single argument
6. Admiral Chekov boards DS9 and falls madly in love with Lwaxana Troi (whose first name he can't quite pronounce)
5. Worf visits the Homeworld, and Gowron can't remember where the storyline left off
4. Voyager will time-travel to the 20th century and meet the Platypus Man in an episode titled, "The Platypus Factor"
3. They do another one of those "Mirror Universe" stories, and this time Odo gets all the babes
2. Howie Mandel to guest star as Gul Dukat's long-lost wacky brother
1. Brand new series portraying the day-to-day lives of staff members at a Starfleet medical facility: "Star Trek: Sickbay"
Top Ten Reasons Why Janeway I Better Than Picard
10. Has better nighties.
9. Doesn't constantly tug at her top.
8. Actually likes being called "Ma'am".
7. Hasn't let her subordinates run her ship into a planet.
6. Doesn't need to call on an equally bald and old captain to help in a crisis.
5. Helm Officer needs less frequent oil changes.
4. Is lost and knows it.
3. Doesn't play a Frenchman with a Shakespearan accent.
2. Can turn off her medical officer with the flick of a switch.
1. One word: HAIR!
Top 10 most unlikely occurences in Star Trek
10. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field (or space/time anomaly) it has encountered several times before.
9. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists who are perfectly fine.
8. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.
7. The captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Prime Directive.
6. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
5. The Enterprise crew is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
4. The Enterprise visits an Earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.
3. The Enterprise is involved with a bizzare time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected to the late 20th century.
2. Kirk/Riker falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits and is not tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
1. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
Top Ten Alternative Reasons For The Generations Reshoot
10. Something about "bridges and irony" was just too hard to pass up.
9. At the test screening, a member of the audience noticed that after Kirk left the nexus he was no longer wearing any pants.
8. The movie made just *too* much sense. The scenes that would have otherwise filled all of the plot oversights and loopholes were removed from the movie, thus requiring 15 minutes worth of new footage.
7. The producers thought that all of the negative buzz surrounding the film might bolster DS9's ratings during GENERATIONS' opening week.
6. The production crew had a lot of extra bolts that they didn't know what to do with.
5. In the distance, a flashing neon sign reading "All Nude, All the Time" was barely visible (one of the pitfalls of filming on location especially so near to Las Vegas)
4. Bernie Williams, the film's Executive Producer, thought that $35 million dollars had a better ring to it than $30 million.
3. After the initial shooting, William Shatner discovered an obscure clause within his original contract prohibiting any death scene performed in the arms of a bald Shakespearean actor of British descent.
2. Amazingly, Patrick Stewart, Malcom McDowell, William Shatner, David Carson, John Alonzo and the entire film crew were all looking for a misplaced set of keys one day. They thought, "What the hell, since we're all here . ."
1. The original ending consisted of Picard Entering the Nexus, gaining the aid of Kirk, returning to the planet, and then preventing the Nexus's arrival. However, this action prevented him from entering the nexus, gaining the aid of Kirk, returning to the planet, and preventing the Nexus's arrival. Therefore, Picard did in fact enter the Nexus, gain the aid of Kirk, return to the planet and prevent the Nexus's arrival. However . . . well, you get the idea.
Top 10 Lines Overheard at James T. Kirk's Funeral (Generations, the unfilmed scene)
10. Uhura: His hailing frequencies are closed.
9. Sulu: Did you know I'm a Captain now?
8. Sarek: Now maybe Spock will find some normal friends.
7. Troi: I sense *pain*, I sense *anguish*, I sense .. a sequel.
6 Riker: He was a role model for all Starfleet officers .. by the way, are you doing anything after the funeral?
5. Scotty: This I canna fix.
4. Data: Ha, ha, ha, hee, ha, hee ... damn emotion chip!
3. Spock: He will always remain .. my friend. But the good of the many outweighed the good of the few. Or the good of the one. Or the good of the Trek franchise.
2. Picard: Alas, poor Kirk, I knew him well.
1. McCoy: You're dead, Jim.
Top Ten Star Trek Answering Machine Messages
10. "This is Deanna Troi. I sense you wish to communicate, and yet, you feel great frustration that I am not here." Top 10 Signs that Star Trek is Becoming Predictable
10. During any episode of Voyager, you yell at the television "Oh, that's never going to work, you're not going home anytime soon." Top 10 Reasons Janeway is Better then Kirk AND Picard
10. Janeway has a Vulcan friend yet has successfully managed to avoid meeting Sarek, Spock or any of their relatives. Twenty Celebrities and the Star Trek Character They Would Be Most Miscast Portraying
20. DANNY DEVITO as ROM - "Listen here, Dumbo, if you call me an idiot ONE MORE TIME I'm gonna put this spatula where the compound interest don't accrue, capice?" The Top 10 Signs You've Watched Too Much Star Trek
10. You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7. Surefire Signs That Star Trek Is Taking Over Your Life
1. Saying "make it so" in casual conversation You know you watch too much Trek when
1 The UPS guy hands you his electronic clipboard and you're tempted to call him the "Captain's Yeoman" as you sign it. Top Ten Reasons Why Watching Star Trek Enhances A Male's Sex Life.
10. Pointers from Worf. Top Ten Reasons why the Federation doesn't use cloaking devices
10. Test vessels keep disappearing and are never seen again. 67 Things that never happen in Star Trek
1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered several times before. The Top Ten Classes at Starfleet Academy
10. Command 302: Wining in No-Win Situations Top Ten Ways To Shut Up A Non-Trek Girlfriend (or bf) Without Killing Her
10. Tell her "Your ears canna stan the strain!" The Top 15 Things You'll Never Hear at a Star Trek Convention
15. "Will the owner of the red Porsche 911, license plate 'STUDMFN', please turn your headlights off?"
9. "Although I canna guarantee that I'll get back to ye, please leave a message after the tone and I'll do me best."
8. "To expect one to always be present when you call would be quite illogical. There is an alternative, however; you may leave a message of no longer than thirty Earth seconds after the brief electronic tone."
7. "This is Will Riker. If you're a fabulous space-babe, press 1 on your touch-tone phone. If you are offering me a starship command, press 2. If you've got donuts, press 3. Otherwise, press 4 and leave a message."
6. "Hailing frequencies open."
5. "This is Geordi LaForge. I've set the main sensor array to reroute the vocal modulation input to the secondary storage banks. It's a simple matter of readjusting the voice relays to the primary auditory output system - in effect, I would hear your voice as though you were actually standing beside me!"
4. "You have reached the internal answering machine of the Soong-type android named Data. All my processors are engaged in other tasks at this time. As soon as sufficient memory is available, I shall process your message."
3. "Leave a message after the beep - make it so."
2. "This is Dr. Julian Bashir. I graduated second in my class at Starfleet medical. I've always wanted to practice a career in frontier space medicine; it's been a major interest of mine since I was a very young lad. I also enjoy tennis, and play a mean game of darts, if I may say so myself. Currently, I'm assigned to Deep Space Nine, which gives me one medical challenge after another. There's nothing like living on the edge. I am extremely grateful to Commander Sisko, for giving me the chance to hone my skills out here on the fringes of known space. I sincerely hope that some day my work will be appreciated for the daring originality that circumstances require, but in the meantime I simply do my job in the most efficient manner that I know how. Forgive me if that sounds conceited, but.....
1. "Dammit, I'm a doctor not an answering service!"
9. You can quote technical dialog for O'Brien or Torres before they make it up.
8. When new life forms appear, they look just like lifeforms we've seen before with different costumes.
7. All the planets Voyager approaches look strikingly similar to ones that the Enterprise has visited.
6. The Dominion seems to be asleep during most episodes, even those that take place in the Gamma Quadrant.
5. You successfully guess most plots before the credits finish.
4. It's getting hard to tell the difference between Voyager promos, DS9 promos, and promos for repeats of ST:TNG.
3. Voyager does an episode called "The Naked Truth" where, you guessed it, the crew goes kinda loopy on some virus that is a Delta Quadrant variant of the one that hit not one but two (count 'em, two) Enterprises.
2. Nichelle Nichols, Walter Koenig and George Takei guest star on either Voyager or DS9 during the next sweeps period.
1. The cast and crew of DS9 and Voyager accidentally switch scripts for an episode and nobody notices until filming is completed. (Except for Cirroc Lofton, who thought something was wrong when a scene called for him to donate a lung to Quark).
9. Janeway looks great in sexy pink lingerie. Picard and Kirk look pretty stupid in all attempts at sexy outfits (remember the infamous Picard bikini bathing suit, or the Kirk "whips and chains" leather number?)
8. Janeway doesn't worry about God, she bypasses the whole issue and goes straight to manipulating the afterlife.
7. Janeway reads romance novels instead of Shakespeare because she's secure in her knowledge and intelligence and doesn't have to flaunt it.
6. Janeway always wins arguments with her chief medical officer, which is more then we can say about Kirk or Picard.
5. Janeway wines and pouts even better than Kirk or Picard.
4. Janeway has more hair than both Kirk and Picard put together, and it is really her own.
3. Janeway hedges on command decisions more then Kirk or Picard, displaying a wonderful skill for surviving Starfleet politics.
2. Janeway unselfishly gave up her private dining room for use as a galley. You don't see Picard and Kirk giving up their creature comforts, do you?
1. Janeway plays a mean game of pool, which requires intelligence and skill. Picard and Kirk play chess (boring).
19. MARY TYLER MOORE as B'ELANNA TORRES - (tearful, trembling voice) "Oh, Captain Janeway!"
18. GEORGE TAKEI as HARRY KIM - "Why in the world would you think I would be dumb enough to buy a half-ton of vacuum?"
17. JACK NICHOLSON as JAMES KIRK - "Two to beam up, Mr. Scott. And let 'em feel it this time."
16. JACK KEVORKIAN as LEONARD MCCOY - "He's dead, Jim; thanks to me, they're ALL dead."
15. GAVIN MCLEOD as JEAN-LUC PICARD - "Mr. Data, chart a course for romance."
14. FRED GRANDY (GOPHER) as WILLIAM RIKER - "Captain, the volley ball game on deck 12 is getting out of hand."
13. GARY COLEMAN as GEORDI LAFORGE - "Whut chu talkin''bout, Worf?"
12. MIKE TYSON as WORF - (angry, little girl sounding voice) "You kilt my mate! Ooo, that done went and made me mad! Now I'm gonna haff to cut you wif my big evil-looking sword-thingie!"
11. JOCELYN ELDERS as BEVERLY CRUSHER - "Wesley, I'd like to talk to you about...(insert Jocelyn's FAVORITE topic here)!"
10. WIL WHEATON as WESLEY CRUSHER - "Captain, I think *I* know how to save the ship!"
9. SPIKE LEE as GUINAN - "It's the hat, I tell ya! It's gotta be the hat!"
8. WOODY ALLEN as Q - "It's hard to be omnipotent when you're as neurotic as I am."
7. EDDIE MURPHY as BENJAMIN SISKO - "[CENSORED], Quark! [CENSORED], you freaky-eared [CENSORED]!"
6. SALLY JESSE RAPHAEL as KIRA NERYS - Author's Note: Frankly, this is such an extreme miscasting I am at a complete loss as to how to portray Sally Jesse Raphael as Kira Nerys.
5. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER as QUARK - "I am Qvark! I own dis bar! You are making a disturbance! Pay me and ged oud off here before I break you in haff, you puny liddle Dabo-girlie man!"
4. JENNA VON OY as MORN - "...andwhenIwenttothemalltheyhadthesereallyneatshoesonsalethatweresocoolandthenI
foundthispursethatmatchedandwentwiththatnewdressIboughtlastweekandthenImetthisreally
cuteguyandIthoughtIwouldjustdiewhenhecameoverandtalkedtomeandhehadthisfriendwho
lookedlikeBradPittandhesaidhewouldcallthisweelendand..."
3. Tie: ANGELA LANSBURY and BARBARA WALTERS as CATHERINE JANEWAY - A.L. - "What do you mean there's been another murder on board?" B.W. - "Mistoo Chakotay, beam down to that pwanet and see if thewe's any coffee avaiwable."
2. SYLVESTER STALLONE as SPOCK - "Yo! That ain't logical! It don't even make no freakin' sense!"
1. ANDREW DICE CLAY as AMBASSADOR SAREK - (loudly addressing the Tellerite ambassador at a high level diplomatic function) "Hey, pig-face! Stop me if you've heard this one:" (launches into extrememly filthy limerick about Klingons, warp drives, and airlocks)
9. You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.
8. You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the Enterprise.
7. Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and torture you for information.
6. You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and crew while they were in the 20th century looking for a whale.
5. Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of T.J. Hooker and Capt. Kirk.
4. You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?"
3. You have no life.
2. You recognize more than 4 references on this list.
1. You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you calculated for the planet Vulcan.
2. Indignation because the periodic table doesn't include dilithium and tritanium.
3. Able to use "variable phase inverter" in a sentence without excessive thought first
4. More than one pair of Spock ears on junk drawer
5. Have figured out the stardate system
6. Sudden urge to wear lots of Lycra
7. Scanning shelves at local liquor store for synthehol
8. The Star Trek theme becomes background music for your dreams
9. Major quote sources for thesis are Shakespeare, the Bible, and "The Omega Glory"
10. Memorization of the crew's authorization codes
11. Forgetting that present-day elevators don't have voice interface
12. Attending a convention wearing non-Terran vestments
13. Actual serious thoughts about buying that $300 model of the Enterprise from the Franklin Mint
14. Understanding Klingon
15. Lecturing any science professor on how transporters work
16. Playing fizzbin and understanding it
17. "The Outrageous Okona" seems like a fine piece of writing and dramatic stylistics
18. Paying rapt attention during those endless special effects sequences in ST:TMP
19. Inexplicable rock-climbing urges
20. More than three original episode outlines buried in your drawers
2. Phrases like 'sentient being' start creeping into your speech patterns.
3. When you find yourself singing "Headin' Back to Eden" in the shower and _you know *all* the words_.
4. You start practicing raising one eyebrow in front of a mirror.
5. Someone tells a joke and your only comment is: "Humour, a difficult concept"
6. You flip open your cellular phone and expect to hear it "chirp."
7. You always win the free slice of pizza at the local pizza place when they have Star Trek trivia questions.
8. You ask local pet stores if they stock tribbles . . . nd if they're neutered.
9. You find yourself executing the "Picard Maneuver."
10. You get on an elevator full of people and have to catch yourself before you tell it what floor you want.
11. You walk to the microwave and start to order dinner.
12. Sitting in traffic you seriously start wondering why you're using this primitive form of transportation.
13. After seeing a news story about a police shooting you wonder, for a moment, why they just didn't set it on stun.
14. You get upset when you go to get a vanity plate and find that WARPSPD has already been taken.
15. You see a car with a Starfleet Academy sticker and it seems perfectly normal.
16. You avoid all stores that carry Trek merchandise for fear that someone will find out about your 'addiction'.
17. Your wardrobe consists of a lot of black slacks with interchangeable gold, red and blue tops.
18. All babies start to remind you of Jean-Luc Picard.
19. You drive by a used car lot and start looking for Ferengi
20. You start watching commercials because so many Trek alumni are doing the voice-overs.
21. You know you watch too much Trek when someone asks you to quote some Shakespeare and you do it in Klingon.
22. You start making lists of the signs that you've been watching too much Trek!
9. Self-confidence: if Data can get it on, you can too.
8. Shows you the importance of the phrase, "Raise Shields!!!"
7. "Deep Space Nine" has interesting subliminal effects when spoken word by word.
6. Gagh is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
5. Take a hint from Riker: "Both!"
4. All Star Trek episodes last one hour, some even more.
3. Take a look at Kira's nose: ribbed is better than smooth...
2. Kirk never bought anyone dinner.
1. Helps you to convince that special someone that "bald is in"...
9. Head of Starfleet has Bugblatter Beast Syndrome and thinks that if the enemy can't see us, we can't see them.
8. Insurance company won't cover accidents involving two cloaked ships colliding into each other.
7.
6. Afraid it would make it too easy for Kirk to steal another ship out of the docking bay.
5. It wouldn't help anyway, Q would still find them.
4. Don't want anyone to find out what really happened to Pulaski.
3. External shots of the ship would be extremely dull.
2. Don't want to admit that for once, Klingons had a really good idea.
1. Mike Okuda and Rick Sternbach can't find the model they made of the cloaked Enterprise.
2. The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
3. The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
6. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
7. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
8. A power surge on the Bridge is fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a 'fuse'.
9. The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
11. The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
12. The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, stange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.
13. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in some way unconnected with the 20th century.
15. Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
16. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
17. The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
18. The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny, day
19. An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."
20. A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.
21. Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."
22. Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so!"
23. Picard walks up to the replicator and says, "Coke on ice."
24. Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
25. Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.
26. Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"
27. When Worf tells the bride officers that something is entering visual range no one says "On screen."
28. Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.
29. Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done in "Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).
30. Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.
31. Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).
32. The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
33. Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better than ever.
34. Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.
35. Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.
36. Data falls in love with the replicator.
37. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
38. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
39. An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale.
40. Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
41. Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.
42. Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt. (Or even, Kirk DOESN'T get into a fistfight...)
43. Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesn't sacrifice herself for him.
44. Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics
45. Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack by alien race/etc!! due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan physiology" and thus he cannot save the day.
46. The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eybrow.
47. Some of the crew visits the holodeck, and it works properly.
48. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people and decides to blow it off and go fishing.
49. Commander Riker and Geordi decide to pull a practical joke on Wesley and beam him into the women's gymnasium shower room.
50. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, and gets hopelessly lost in the wrong star system.
51. The crew of the Next Generation sit around for an entire episode and watch reruns of the original Star Trek.
52. Data gets too close to a hair-dryer and spends an entire episode walking around flashing a well known Vulcan hand sign and saying "live long and prosper".
53. The Enterprise crew is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which puts them in a galactic cubby hole and forgets about them.
54. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without his luggage.
55. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to be destroyed because it is the wrong polarity.
56. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff. The part however has not been available for 200 years.
57. Over a period of two months, the entire crew of the Enterprise become infected with genital warts.
58. The Enterprise encounters a vastly inferior alien intelligence, which they spend an entire episode belittling and embarrassing.
59. The Enterprise breaks down in deep space and has to be towed back to a star base by a garbage scow.
60. Guinan reveals that on her home planet, all she ever did was work at a Mcdonalds.
61. The Enterprise develops a bad case of 'space rust' and spends most of an episode at drydock with painters wondering how to get the paint to dry in outer space.
62. Captain Picard walks off the job for most of an episode in a dispute over vacation and medical benefits.
63. Dr. Crusher receives a letter lost in the mail for 15 years from her late husband telling her he has been having an affair and is leaving her.
64. The warp engines start acting up a bit, and Geordi gets blown to bits when he drops his visor in an engine while fixing it.
65. Wesley Crusher goes on a weekend jaunt with 'The Traveler' and comes back 40 years older.
66. Counselor Troi tells Worf that he really is an evil rotten person deep inside.
67. Data falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and stays behind to get married and raise a family.
9. Communications 101: Opening Hailing Frequencies
8. Space Law 206: Avoiding Court-Martial
7. Navigation 101: Standard Orbits
6. Philosophy 203: Why All Major Systems Fail at the Same Time
5. Command 255: Choosing Minor Landing Party Members Who Will Die
4. Astrophysics 199: Recognizing Unknown Phenomenon
3. Command 309: Creative Obedience to Starfleet Orders
2. Engineering 422: Making Radical Technological Advances Under Time Pressure
1. Space Law 499: The Prime Directive and How to get around it
9. Vulcan Neck Pinch
8. Have an Android made of her then when she starts speaking tell her to "Shut Up!" (See, "I, Mudd" - TOS episode)
7. Wave Phaser in her face and tell her you will stun her with it.
6. Use transporter to split her into two seperate personalities. Phaser Evil Girlfriend and keep Good Girlfriend. (See, "The Enemy Within" - TOS episode)
5. Tell her your watching the episode where Picard gets naked.
4. Ask if she wants to see the Picard Maneuver
3. Try, "Computer - End Program"
2. Tell her she's in violation of the Prime Directive and she is interfering with a lesser developed civilization.
1. Borg her.
14. "Does this Star Fleet Academy uniform make me look fat?"
13. "Make it so, Baby, make it so."
12. "It's pointless to compare the original crew to the Next Generation, since they're only fictional characters anyway."
11. "I dunno, sometimes I wonder if the show was really deserving of all this attention."
10. "Kirk, Picard... what's the difference, they're both losers. I'll take Will Robinson and Dr. Smith any day."
9. "I got laid last night!"
8. "Look! It's Eddie Murphy!"
7. "You're nuts. Swimming is by far the hardest part of any Iron Man Triathlon."
6. "Oooh, Girlfriend -- Just look at all these hunks! Set your phaser for 'Love!'"
5. "If you think the brie's good, you should try the salmon pate."
4. "To Wong Fu, thanks for everything, Patrick Stewart."
3. "Dammit, Jim -- I'm a has-been actor, not an autograph-signer!"
2. "Jim Beam me up, Scotty."
1. "Hey, guys, how 'bout we finish this conversation over a beer at the topless bar?"
