The Vermonter's Guide to Computer Lingo

• Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
• Log Off: Don't add wood.
• Monitor: Keep an eye on the wood stove.
• Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
• Mega Hertz: When yer not carefull downloadin' (watch th' toes!)
• Floppy Disk: Whacha get from pilin' too much firewood.
• Disk Operating System: The equipment the Doc uses when you have a floppy disk.
• RAM: The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.
• Hard Drive: Gettin' home in mud season.
• Prompt: What you wish the mail was in mud season.
• Windows: What to shut when it's 30 below.
• Screen: What you need for black fly season.
• Byte: What black flies do.
• Chip: What to munch on.
• Micro Chip: What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.
• Infrared: Where the left-over's go when Fred's around.
• Modem: What you did to the hay fields.
• Dot Matrix: John Matrix's wife.
• Printer: Someone who can't write in cursive.
• Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy
• Keyboard: Where you hang your keys.
• Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
• 486: One of them fancy imported cars.
• Mouse: What eats the horses' grain in the barn.
• Main Frame: The part of the barn that holds the roof up.
• Port: Fancy wine.
• Enter: C'mon in!
• Random Access Memory: You can't remember how much that new rifle cost when your wife asks.
• Digital: Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock.
• Apple: If you don't know, I ain't tellin'.
• Program: What's on TV when there's reception.
• CD ROM: The furrnier at the bank that sells retirement accounts.
• DIN: The noise at the barn dance.
• Laser: Someone less ambitious than you.
• Line In: Whatcha do when you go fishin' or whacha dry yer laundry on.