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A Modest Request
Dear Mr. Ostrander Elms,
We would appreciate if you please moved your grave
And preferably, your dead body as well.
Its current placement in front of Stimson Hall
Stands in the way of Vital Construction
That will make our University and our world
A Better Place.
In addition, it attracts too much attention,
Keeping students from classes
And distracting visitors from the beauty of our University.
Furthermore, we feel its placement brings a depressing feel to the campus.
It is dreadful enough students know that the biology basement was once a morgue.
We do not need you to remind them.
We would deeply appreciate your cooperation in this effort.
Best wishes,
The Administration
Author's Note: I got this idea from a grave-like object at my school (Cornell). In reality, it is a marker for a donation for a bunch of trees (elms, in fact). However, the truth of the matter did not lessen my amusement by thinking of administrative incompetence.
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