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I'm Just Fine
Okay, this isn't so bad. It's nothing to worry about, nothing at all. It's just a short little airplane ride to Florida. That's all. It's for the family. I'm going to meet them there. Apparently they're having a lovely time - I'm glad they are. They should be, it's Disney, you know? The place where everyone is always smiling all of the time! Last time we went, we drove down. So much easier. But we can't do that now, can we? Noooo...but it's for them, so it's okay. Yes, just remember that, that it's for them. I would do anything for them, yes I would, my family. I love them so dearly, so much. So that's why I'm here, that's why I am sitting here right now next to you. I so do despise these seats, how they are so terrible cramped, so terribly uncomfortable. And the constant cold - why do they always feel they need to turn the air blowers on? And there's the inane magazines, the bad movies (just because someone likes Adam Sandler doesn't mean we should all suffer), the insipid people - not you, of course - and worst of all, why can't I find a decent classical station? Don't these people have any taste in the least? The one thing that would calm me - the one thing! Don't they care about my sanity? Don't they care about any of our sanity? But you don't want to be troubled with any of this, do you? You don't really want to listen to me rant and rave, do you? I shouldn't be burdening you with my emotional baggage, my irrational fears, should I? No, no, of course not. This isn't like me at all, really. I'm normally quite calm, I'm sure you'll understand. This is all completely irrational, this is all completely irrational. It's just this plane is all, the whole flying thing. You understand, don't you? Of course you do. Of course, it's just this. Don't mind me at all. I'm just fine, I'm just fine. I'll just sit here and read my book.
Oh, but what a bother. No use at all. I could never get into reading on long trips, you know? I never felt sick or anything, it was just...something just won't let me read. Almost like a nervous excitement. The anticipation, I suppose. Left over from when I was a child, I guess. Plus, I have this compulsion to look out the window. I don't know why - it will only serve to make me more frightened and nervous, I know it. Nothing is worse on an airplane than looking out a window. Nothing, nothing at all. The ground so far below and we are so far above - I wouldn't be able to stand it - I'd crack. I just wouldn't be able to handle it - too much mental strain. But I want to anyway, don't know why. Did you ever have the urge to just open the car door while driving down the freeway? I wonder if the President ever had the inkling to press the launch button on the nuclear warheads, to destroy us all. To have ordinary, beautiful, everyday life sitting in the palm of your hand and just crush it? Transfer that perfect balance of monotony into ultimate chaos? Let all hell break loose?
Well, that's what I'm feeling. I'm feeling that by having the power to look out the window, I have that power. And I'm going to take it. Yes, I'm going to take it! I'm going to look out that window right this moment - yes, I am!
*He turns to the window and gasps*
Oh god, it's nothing. It's white - white everywhere. White surrounding us, enveloping us, as if inside a marshmallow. But no, it's not like a marshmallow, not at all like a marshmallow, so much as a padded cell, a totally white room for the thoroughly insane. Which we all are, of course. Why would anyone ever think that we would even think that anything, anything at all except birds and insects out to fly? To be suspended by insubstantial air currents, weightless. We put more value on our Christmas ornaments than our own lives! At least those we hang from a flimsy string, at least those we support, keep safe and warm in their little boxes, packed away, their little safe, padded warm boxes...why aren't I? Where is my box?!
I don't know...I don't know...
***
Where am I? Ah, there you are - so nice to see you. How are you? I'm just fine. Sorry about that little incident - now that we're on the ground, I'm just fine. Oh yes, I'm just fine.
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