[In the delivery room, a baby's cry is heard.]
Doctor: You have a baby runner.
[Father and Mother laugh. Father kisses Mother on the cheek. The nurse screams.]
Father: What happened?
Mother: What is it? Where's the baby?
Doctor: We've got a runner!
Father: What's a runner?
Doctor: It's a newborn that's developmentally hyper-able!
Mother: What does that mean?
Doctor: Basically it means your baby can
run! You better call the security! Tell them to get a
tranquilizer gun and a net! Stat!
[Noises of things breaking are heard. Cut
to black background that reads:
Baby Runner
A new breed altogether
Cut back. 2 security guards arrive with
a net and tranquilizer gun.]
Security Guard: You call about the runner?
Nurse: There! There!
Security Guard: Everybody clear!
[Security Guard shoots at baby.]
Mother: Stop it! He's just a baby!
[Cut to message:
NEW EPISODE
UPRIGHT CITIZENS
BRIGADE
MONDAY @ 10:30 PM
(CC logo)]
Narrator: Upright Citizens Brigade. Dangerous
sketch comedy. New episode: Monday at 10:30, only on
Comedy Central.